48:01 was my time for the Jingle Bell Run.

Here’s the map and my activity level. Started at Nationwide and High. Ran to State street, walked to Fulton, ran to Blenkner, walked to Rich, ran to Gay, walked to Chestnut, ran to the finish.

And still it took me nearly a fucking hour to finish.

Everyone will say that they’re proud of me, that I finished the race, that it’s an accomplishment, that I should be proud of what I did.

Except I’m not. In October, I walked a full 5K two weeks ago in 45 minutes. Seriously, there was no running involved in that 5K, and it was slower than today’s.

I feel like a miserable failure at this, and I don’t know how to not feel like a miserable failure at it.

I do know that this is not the end of my running, and it’s not even the end of me doing 5K running. By next year, I want to be able to run the whole 5K. I may re-boot the Couch to 5K program and call it my C25K Boot-in-the-Ass program.

This is seriously making me feel shitty. More than anything, I feel like I let down my donors. I know I let down myself.

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